Is there such a thing as being too comfortable? Like sitting down with comfortable and having it turn uncomfortable. awkward even.. The last few years, my life has been drama. Complicated relationships, complicated moods. Now, things are quiet. There is no one/nothing to make my heart ache. so I'm starting to get that feeling; a stirring in my chest. It's emotional nostalgia. I start to make myself crazy because all there is in my head is white noise (vs. black noise?)
The psychological definition of normal is: free from any mental disorder; sane.
Great. Who wants to be emotionally adjusted anyway? My doctor says this is what being stable feels like. It's a new concept for us bipolar folk.
When you've gone through hypomanic periods, it changes your idea of what "feeling good" is. With the help of a mood stabilizer medication, I've managed to find middle ground. this is a good thing. No more highs, no more lows. But can I tell you something? It feels like the flatline on a heart monitor. beeeeeeep. Is this what it's like to be normal? I mean, I'm doing things I haven't been able to do in a long time. Like working, and sleeping 6-8 hours. Normal right? But I don't know what "fun" is. I'm not inspired by what I see. Not so normal.
I think [I hope] it's possible to be mentally stable and now and then want to jump around because you feel GOOD. Baby steps on the way to sanity.
Happiness come to me, and fill my head with colorful noise.
Mar 19, 2008
Condition of being Normal
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2 comments:
Methinks you need to fall in love, Carm. That changes EVERYTHING. 'Strue.
The problem with 100mph on that roller coaster is that once the thing slows don't you don't know what to do or how to deal with it.
The only thing I can offer is to try and ease your way in to "normal". My problem is that I find something/someone else to go 100mph at!!
Splinter
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